So there’s this shady vacant building on the corner my street at East Linden and Braddock, across from the Yate’s Auto Parts (most expensive gas on the planet) and around the corner from the “world’s sketchiest 7-11” (it’s the crossroads of all Alexandria’s social classes where they buy their Black&Mild’s, Slurpies, under priced Chiken Hog Dogs, etc.) It resembles an old crummy decaying building that someone once decided to paint several coats of white, making it neighborhood friendly, but in actuality, looking like the paint is holding the building together. There are also only a few windows which happen to be tinted black. hmmm….
Most people would be wary of such a lecherous structure, but not me. Because I believe it will be the sight of new my business(es). What’s business(es) you ask? Well, what will it not be, I ask you!(..?) It will be my little shady warehouse of all things Michael Sanders.
First off, in order to keep the legendary Tower (Phase 1) in working process, funds must be raised. The Electric bill has sky rocketed since the Situation Room has gone fully operational.
Someone has to pay for the weekly cleaning and sanitizing of the Ball Room!
Someone has to pay Daft Punk for Playing at my House!
Someone has to pay for the landscaping of the Porch of the Pegasus!
Someone has to fill the fridge with sweet sweet mead in the Pirate Baaaarrr!
It is clear that I must buy, rent, or conquer the white warehouse of unknown solitude that resides on the corner of East Linden and Braddrock, known now as The Corner.
Sub-Phase 1: Rent it, OR Break into it!
For a while there was this big yellow H3 parked outside. Drug house? Whatever! I have the Lord on my side, and it is His will that I march in and conquer any drug, pimp and crack dens that lay in the path of my empire, if need be.
OR I’ll just call up a commercial realtor.
Sub-Phase 2: Set up Shop
I figure most businesses must start small and simple, but where’s the innovation in that?!? Therefore I have decided to start off with 7 separate operations, each on a different day of the week.
Below, is a preview of the signs and descriptions of each daily business.
It’s best to start off with what you know and do already (for the most part…) The first logical step is putting an actual roof over an existing business or trade. Now I will be able to work on existing Glorious Graphic projects, have in house design meetings and appointments with clients. The Tattoo Parlor will be the new addition to the company. After always getting,
“Dude, you should do tattoos for real, instead drawing on my arm!” and “Can you draw my a sweet skull eating a sun? I want to get it inked onto my lower back!”, I will be able answer all the questionable questions of body art.
NOTE: There will be no suns, barbwire, tribal designs, Chinese, Cantonese, or any other Asian characters unlessgoing on a customer of Asian descent, tramp stamps, evil clowns, gangster clowns, or sports team icons/numbers/mascots tattooed to anyone at Glorious Graphics and Tattoo Parlor.
On Tuesdays we’ll be taking the time to give back the community. “Hobo Meals for Hobos” will be a tasty alternative to the usual soup kitchens for the homeless and displaced. First off, what is a Hobo Meal? It is a delicious delicacy of seasoned chopped meat, chopped garlic potatoes, carrots, corn, etc., pilled into a heap inside a tin foil pod and then cooked and roasted on a campfire! (or in this case, a barrel fire.) At night it will be opened into a Chipotle styled restaurant.
A slightly more “down low” business. “Bird Fight!” puts together different free range trained birds such was roosters pigeons, crows, turkeys, etc. in all out bird on bird combat.
NOTE: All business will be made on ticket sales ALONE. We will not be held responsible for any actions or incidents involving the fatal injury or death of a bird. All birds will sign a death weaver before combat. (…with their BEAKS dipped in INK, that’s HOW!)
Thursdays will be devoted to self defense training while receiving a cardiovascular workout. At “Fist Punch: Celtic Cardio Dojo” you will learn mixed martial arts from such disciplines as Scottish Brute-Do, Orange belt level Hapkido Karate, and “this one thing I learned to do to someone’s arm with a 2 inch pocket knife”. Learn new logical self defense tips like keeping a large rock under your car seat.
NOTE: In addition, spin classes will be offered in the winter.
Ah…my favorite day of business. During the day, The Dance Corner will offer dance lessons by the dance machine himself, Michael Sanders. Learn such moves as the “Jive Turkey”, the “Jumping Jared”, “Crazy Legs”, “It’s almost the Robot”, and much more. Then at night, The Dance Corner turns into a fully operational Night Club. woot woot.
In the vein of Medieval Times and Colonial Williamsburg, I bring you “The Gypsy Town” Bring the family and enjoy the entertainment, with authentic Eastern European Gypsies, spicy/garlicy food, crystal ball readings, Euro-carnies, grifters, juggling, meat on a stick, authentic jewelry making, spin dancing, creepy old people, wild gypsy dogs, dancing sloth bears, pick pocketing orphans and much more fun! While the gypsies will provide all entertainment and vending, the Corner will take a cut of 40% of all profits (Even though I’ll tell the Gypsies 50%….cause I know they’ll try to short hand me regardless.)
Take ride in a Hot Air Balloon around historic Old Town Alexandria and have the best view of all the DC Metro area! (With the optional Bible Study in the Sky.) This is actually a good idea. If only the Airport wasn’t so close…
Well, there you have it. Phase 2 of 12 in the Michael Sanders Empire: Small Commerce. The Dreams will only get bigger… Stay tuned.